what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”
pokemon: “we put a Great Ball in a trash can on the SS Anne once and players are now compelled to check literally every single trash can in every single game”
when you sit attentively in class but you dont understand a thing the teacher is saying
Relationship advice: Find someone who accepts you for the lazy piece of shit you are.
When you’re over twenty five
person: wanna go to a bar?
me: if we go to a bar, that means I’ll be too far from this cheese.
- me: *wakes up*
- me: wheres my phone
- me: *rips off blankets*
- me: *hears loud thud*
- me: there it is